I was a little* depressed and didn't know what to say.
Today I'm a bit angry** so I am feeling much more talkative***
Wednesday night we received a phone call from a friend of Josh's I'll refer to here as "Sticky" both because it rhymes with his name, and describes his personality. Sticky is 25 and for the last six months has been dating a 17 year-old high school junior. Lets call her "Del" for delusional. Currently, Sticky and Del are living at my mother-in-law's house, essentially freeloading since Del doesn't work (or go to school, she's a drop out) and Sticky is busy doing god knows what else with his money.
Anyhow, so Josh is on the phone with Sticky and I'm listening to Josh's end of the conversation which goes something like this:
"What?"
"Oh, no!"
Long Pause
"Oh!"
"Well... then congratulations, man!"
Another Long Pause
"Yeah we have a couple of names picked out,
but we're keeping those for ourselves, if ever... you know."
"We'll call you if we think of any other good one's though."
I stopped paying attention after that. Josh hung up, and told me Sticky's "good" news, which I'd already deduced. Apparently, Del wasn't on the pill this month and they thought, what the heck! Lets not use anything this month and see what happens. They are happy about it of course.
I've felt badly before, watching my friends have one, then two children while I'm left with nothing but a small family of furry friends to dress for halloween. But nothing compares to the pain of watching Josh's sad eyes the rest of the evening. It makes me feel so guilty and terrible, because I cannot fulfill his life the way a 17 year old has fulfilled Sticky's.
We haven't talked about it anymore, and I don't think we will. The subject has played itself out for us. It has been over three years now. THREE YEARS. There is nothing more to discuss, and little more to hope for. We just live our lives now and try not to fall apart when things like this happen. That's not to say I'm not bitter. I've certainly had enough "It's not fair" thoughts run through my head in the last 48 hours. But it's nothing I haven't dealt with before.
That's enough wallowing in self pity. I can only take so much of it.
(key)
* The term little applied here is relative.
Example (a needle is a little smaller an elephant)
** Angry=On the Verge of a Tantrum.
*** Talkative=I Want to Scream at the top of Lungs.
2 comments:
This is how I feel about the situation, just because you have a uterus that does not make you a capable parent, neither does the ability to fertilize an egg in said uterus. That being said, it is a sad day when you find out that something like this has happened.
I can't think of any other two people in the world more suited to parenthood than you and Josh. I know that when it does happen that your baby will be the luckiest baby ever. The two of you have so much love to give and I know that one day you will have that opportunity.
P.S. Remember, God is waiting for both of us to be ready to have babies. So start sending some baby vibes to Doug, because I'm ready at a moments notice! :-)
Thank you, Misty You really did make me feel better, saying exactly the right thing! But, you always know how to make me feel better!
You'll be a great mom too, and I will be the happiest (okay third happiest, after you and Doug) if you were to have a baby!
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