Splurge

I broke down and ordered this tonight. I'd seen the infomercial one too many times, I suppose and there were some really great reviews on a message board. Probably doesn't help that I've been breaking out like crazy lately, either. Anyway, I'm excited about it. If it truly is flawless then maybe I won't have to worry so much about my makeup for the wedding.

*Sigh*

I started tanning yesterday, I haven't been since last year and my lotion was 2 years old, so I thought it was probably time for an update. So I asked the girl working what she recommended, and she pointed me to the anti-aging lotions. :( I know for a fact that this girl is only a couple of years older than me, if that (she's a library patron). Actually, I ended up taking her suggestion and buying this, and it is excellent! My skin has never felt so good after a tanning session.

As if that wasn't bad enough, I found out that our page's (she's 16) parents are actually closer to my age than I am to hers. How is that even possible??

It's Been Awhile

Wow...when was the last time you posted 3 blogs before I posted one of my own? Obviously, I've been slacking. Not really, this past week really just kicked my ass. Between it being the first week of summer vacation, the first week of the Summer Reading Program and babysitting Nate & Kaden before I go to work on Tuesday & Thursday mornings, I never thought I'd make it through this week. Next week is more of the same, but I'm hoping the library kids will settle down a little bit. They are always so excited that first week out. I'm starting to feel a little less hopeless about the wedding stuff. Mom & I got a ton of stuff accomplished yesterday (see the wedding blog) and I think that is what did it for me. All of a sudden I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and it feels like a giant weight has been lifted off my shoulders. :) We're going to make it and in just a little over 3 months Doug & I will be married and all of this planning stress will just be an afterthought. I can't wait!

More Pics (but not of me)

Ian emailed tonight and sent a few pics my way. I showed them to my mom and now she wants to show them to the world. :)

Here is Ian and his wife, Haruna, at a street festival in Atsugi. (He's rubbing her baby bump! Isn't that cute?)



Haruna and Nicholas at the Outback. (Didn't even realize they had those in Japan!)

Dress!!!

Okay, it's blurry, but it's here as promised. (Mom took the picture)

Wasted Time

My nephew, Davidge (Fran's son) graduated from High School today. I sat in the front row of the bleachers and felt old and frumpy in my cutest skirt and slightly slimmer body. It seemed that the entire gym was filled with tan teenage girls wearing short denim skirts and layered camisoles. They chatted and laughed throughout the ceremony. The only time they fell silent was when the dipolmas were handed out. You could tell they were thinking, "It'll be me next year, or the year after that." I remember feeling that way, don't you? That deep-in-the-stomach flutter that came along with thoughts of adulthood and freedom?

In the middle of the ceremony, the guest speaker (a favored teacher) gave his speech. It was pretty much standard graduation garbage about how the graduates had accomplished so much and were going to on to do great things.

Hearing that speech, as generic as it was, got me thinking about life in a way it didn't when I wore my cap and gown. Back then I knew I was going places, that I was going to conquer the world in some way. But I didn't. I dropped out of college, got married (still the best decision I ever made) and settled into relative obscurity. Outside of you and a few others, Josh and I have no friends. We come home every night and watch T.V. or play on the internet and generally do nothing that is worth talking about or even remembering.

Looking at the graduates laughing and joking the way we once did, taking for granted that they have years until they are old and so many opportunities, I felt a feeling of loss. Loss for the nine years I've wasted doing nothing with my life, sitting on the sidelines procrastinating and saying, "Next year I'm going to do THIS!". Nine years. My head hurts just thinking about it.

So what am I going to do about it? I'd like to say I'm going to shake things up, that I'm going to storm the castle like I should have all those years ago. But the truth is, I've felt this way before, yet here I am in a boring job with equally boring hobbies.

Sorry to be a downer today. I guess I'm just wondering when it will be okay to just be me and not feel like I've wasted my life somehow?